WTF - Online Chat Assistance

Ok so we were shopping for our Christmas tree (the end result being this beautiful, authentic looking, flocked number, 1640 tips baby!). This last weekend we determined that a tree was necessary, not because Caitlyn is here (because lets face it, she's a baby and she won't remember shit), but because this year Christmas is at our house for Crystal's side of the family. Granted everyone does their own thing on Christmas Day, but for Christmas Eve it's a fun family gathering complete with a traditional southwestern feast unmatched anywhere. So since we'll be playing host to the social event of the season, we need a tree. Mind you we already had a tree, but it's a clearance item I got off the Internet for thirty bucks with no tax and free shipping. Crystal hates it. I think it's campy. It's about six feet tall, pre lit, and has fiber optics as well. It sits on a stand that rotates the tree while playing Christmas music (not the good kind, just the beepy electronic kind).

So anyway, I'm on the website trying to find out our local store hours because we were trying to accomplish all this with our holiday shopping on Sunday. I find the phone number for our local store and notice on the store hours list that it closes at 8pm. I call at 7:40 to find out if, what with the holidays and all, our store has seasonal hours which might have provided us with the time we would need to make the trip and pick up a tree. Much to my chagrin, the automated store answering system picks up and I go through the usual motions of pressing 1, then pressing 1, and then pressing 0. Because we all know it takes a minimum of three useless button presses to find out the most basic of information about a business.





Now where do I transform from a mild mannered whippet to Wendy? (see right, then google Wendy Whippet, I'm not doing the work for you, you lazy bastard)

I'll tell you when! When I jump through the obligatory hoops only to have the phone ring for 2 straight minutes with no answer. "A fluke" I think to myself. So I do it again, with the same sad end result.

Now at this point a friendly little chat window opens up on my screen. Ah yes, the online assistant, ready to help. For the most part I usually believe that these robotic little helpers are simply feeding me scripted answers based on the key words of my questions and responses. I'm still pretty sure this is true, but in this particular instance I was actually chatting with a live human. I know this because I was somewhat irate, and with the gift on anonymity on my side, I was not the least bit afraid to make this known. It all turned out pretty humorous, but remember my name was changed to protect the innocent.

Here is my conversation.... verbatim.

Chat InformationPlease wait for a product specialist to respond.

Chat InformationYou are now chatting with 'Ashley'

Ashley: Welcome to Home Depot. How may I assist you today?

Ricardo: Quick question Ashley... I'm calling my local store and though it is open, nobody is answering the phone. I am very upset about this, and would like some answers. Their number is (575)521-1327

Ashley: What time zone do you reside in?

Ricardo: Mountain.

Ricardo: They close at eight o'clock. I was calling at around seven forty. I just wanted to know their holiday hours.

Ashley: I'm not sure. They close at 8:00 P.M. on Sunday.

Ashley: I do not believe the hours change for the holiday hours.

Ricardo: It's not really a problem, I just don't know why nobody answers the phone during store hours.

Ricardo: If they're open they should answer.

Ashley: I'm sorry but I am not sure.

Ricardo: But apparently they are satisfied with not receiving our business.

Ashley: Again, I apologize for the local store not answering. You may wish to call customer care for local store issues and voice your concern. The number is 800-553-3199, option 5. They are open Monday-Friday from 9:00 A.M. -8:00 P.M Eastern time.

Ricardo: I know it's not your fault but it's a waste of both of our time to be in this situation. Why leave the customer sitting on the phone after pressing 1, then pressing 1, then pressing 0, only to have it ring for two minutes.... just a waste.

Ricardo: I see that customer care is open 9-8, does that mean THEY stop answering the phones at 7:40? If it does let me know now and save me the trouble.

Ashley: As I stated the customer care line is open Monday-Friday, from 9 A.M- 8 P.M. Easter time.

Ricardo: Easter time? Wait, I have to wait until Easter? That's just ridiculous....

Ashley: I'm sorry but I had already stated Eastern time prior. I'm sorry for the spelling error.

Ashley: Is there anything else I can assist you with?

Ricardo: Well, unless you can help me find a Christmas tree at a Home Depot that's open, then no. But thanks for the effort.

Ashley: I'm sorry but I do not have access to local store inventory.

Ashley: I hope you have a happy holiday and take care.

Ricardo: You've been a good sport anyhow, happy holidays Ashley.

Chat InformationChat session has been ended by the product specialist.

So there you go, a little venting can go a long way. And I think I may just develop a fondness for strange complaints to online chat assistance, it makes for good blogging. Anyway, you all take care, and I'll see you soon.

Jimmy

A Week in the Life - Lazyness is next to Godliness... I think that's how it goes.

I could fill you with a veritable mountain of reasons why it's been a week since I've updated. Perhaps I was travelling around the world (I wasn't). Maybe I was sleeping in for seven days straight (more likely). Or maybe, just maybe I was seriously jonesin' for some Cheez-Its™ (we have a winner!). But for whatever reason, c'est la vie.

In all actuality it was an action packed week filled with more excitement than Randy Savage in a dumpster full of Slim-Jims™. The Juarez symphony had it's holiday concert, a quick and painless performance of Tchaikowsky's Nutcracker Suite, plus a couple of pieces we play every year that are always crowd favorites. You'll remember Danzon No.2 by Marquez from the Las Cruces Symphony's performance of the same piece the week before. Aside from that we played Strauss' Radetzky March (with audience participation [see video]), and Offenbach's Orpheo Overture. Offenbach's piece is famous in that you hear it anytime you see someone doing the can-can (yeah, that song).

I've linked them to some YouTube videos of those pieces, I'd embed them, but I fill you up with too much classical music as it is.

In addition, we made it to the mall finally for the ritual that is THE SANTA PHOTO. So there we were in a crowded mall, waiting in line. We made our way up to check out the "mandatory" photo packages - no personal cameras without minimum package purchase mind you. So one 5x7 and 4 wallets = $24.99. Ouch. I can only compare it to the "Free" Child's admission at the travelling circus. Be it Shriner's or Ringling Bros. or Gatti's or whatever, there's always a stack of free child coupons at every convenience store and Chuck e' Cheese's within a 100 mile radius. The catch of course is that when you get to the circus you'll pay close to twenty dollars for an "adult" admission, and then get subsequently wallet-raped by concession prices akin to multiplying the cost of a soggy hot dog at a Yankees game with the cost of a warm shit-beer at a Metallica concert.

What I'm saying is that twenty five dollars is a bit much for a set of photos I can have in an hour from Walgreen's for under fifty cents. But hey, we're new parents, so cha-ching pseudo-Claus... cha-ching.

On Sunday, we were at the company Christmas party. Good food, horrible parking, and some time with friends. My sister was in town with the kiddies, so we spent the afternoon with them at the mall, finishing the evening up with some hot chai at Barnes and Noble.

Yesterday we finally set up our Christmas tree. I'll add some photos later with another holiday post to include Caitlyn's Santa photo (which is so saturated with cute that you can taste it).

So, more to come I assure you, and you won't have to wait very long for it either. Take care and enjoy the week, see you all sooner than later.

Jimmy

P.S. I won't play any video games until I post ... you happy now?

/shakefist

Return of the Spider

Well, you probably remember this post which introduced us to a nice back and forth between a bill collector and a man with a plan. Well it seems the seven-legged spider in question has reared it's ugly head again, this time utilized in a math test by a fan of the spider.

Nice to see that this creative drawing has become a muse for some.

More to come.

A Week in the Life - Brahms, Ravel, and Marquez.

Yes, another symphony week, this time local. I'll be here in the LC playing with the Las Cruces Symphony. The program contiains a great latin flavored piece by Arturo Marquez.

Danzon No. 2:



Followed by some nice romantic Ravel. The French composer excelled at impressionism and his music abounds with rich layers and effects that pull the heart strings. His suit from the ballet Daphnis et Chloé exemplifies his skills. Ravel's own health deteriorated to near breakdown from the amount of work the put in scoring the ballet which utilized a full ballet company, two choruses, and a large orchestra.

Suite from Daphnis et Chloé:



Lastly, the one and only Brahms Violin Concerto. Regarded by may as one of the more beautiful and difficult of the violin concertos, this will be performed by Augustin Hadelich. The concerto was written by Brahms for his friend and violin legend, Joseph Joachim. Augustin Hadelich won the Gold Medal at the Indianapolis Violin Competition in 2006. The competition is, for modern times at least, the bees knees of the violin world. Occurring only every four years, the competition is world reknowned. And since he won.....

His prizes include $30,000 in cash, a 24-carat gold medal, a four-year loan of
the 1683 "ex-Gingold" Stradivarius violin and Tourte bow, a Naxos label compact
disc recording contract, a gold Fleur-de-Lys bow made by Berg Bows and more than
40 concert engagements, including a domestic and international tour.

So he'll be playing on said violin for this weekend's concert. Here's a snippet of his performance in the competition.

Yeah he's pretty good.

So that's my week. I'll squeeze in some more later on.

Best of the Web

Ahh.... so true.

Funny Picture of the Day - I always wondered what was inside these things...

And I always thought it was rolling balls and lasers. Truth be told a great deal of training and specialized breeding goes into each and every one of them.

Cash Cow?....Cash puppy?..... Ok then, Change Gerbil!!!1!!

Bling bling, Motherfather's!!

Awwww yeeeeeah, boooyeeeee. After some careful calculation, it seems that JRTW may turn a profit when it hits its one year anniversary in August of the 09'.

Given gross profit estimations based on fourth quarter advertising revenue results minus production costs, marketing costs, overhead, and labor. Jimmy Rules the World stockholders should see a net yearly profit of....



.33 ¢


Hmm.

Crap.

Does that even buy a stamp still?

Oh well, if you love it, you do it for free right!

Just like your mom!

That's right, that just happened. What are you going to do about it. Nothing is right.

If you want compassion, that was last week. Stay tuned.
Jimmy

Thanksgiving thanks .......... giving.

As is customary this time of year, we give thanks for the things we're grateful for. And for the things that didn't kill us over the last 12 months.

So here goes nothing.

First and foremost, and to nobody's surprise, I am thankful for my beautiful little girl Caitlyn. How she managed to make it into this world is pure amazement every time I think about it. I tend to have a pretty firm grasp on the how's and why's of human existence (a much deeper, long winded conversation I assure you), but there's something about a living thing producing another living thing from scratch that just boggles the mind. There are many ways to describe it: visually, scientifically, spiritually ... but there are no words to truly capture the unexplainable idea that is life.

Secondly, my loving wife Crystal. What can I say, I'm not always the easiest person to be around. Sure, I'm funny from time to time, but when you're around it 24 hours a day, wit and sarcasm can become more of an annoyance. Add to that a schedule of working and performing that has me away from home 16 hours a day on busy weeks. When I am home, my attention is often split between three things:

1. Doing those things that we love to do together: Eating, watching The Office and several other shows you should not be missing, discussion (the nice way to say arguing), raising a child, and our married life which is always more good than bad.


2. Doing those things that I love to do: Playing video games, wasting my virtual life away playing World of Warcraft, carefully honing my blogging abilities on JRTW, and general Internet entertainment (regular and adult).


3. Sleeping.

So needless to say, I could always stand to pay more attention to my wife. As with many husbands and marriages, I tend to take her for granted when in reality, her contribution to my well being merits her being my number one priority. But rest assured when it's all said and done, that underneath it all lies a love for her that, when realized, brings tears to my eyes so easily that I have to purposely avoid thinking about it.

Ok, with those two out of the way, I can abandon heartfelt seriousness for something more palatable for the rest of you.

Thanks to NBC, for filling my TiVo™ every Thursday night with some really great TV shows. My Name is Earl is totally back on track this season after falling a bit off course last year. The Office is continually outstanding, and Kath and Kim is easily the best new comedy anywhere dude. Add to that some 30 Rock goodness, and you're so happy you won't even care about fast forwarding through the commercials.

Thanks to Elwood over at Untitled: Story of my Life for his blog, which is really a treat and should never be missed. It was CJ_ATC (fatherhood in progress) who first pointed me over to the blog and I haven't looked back since. Truth be told, it was my inspiration for starting JRTW, and I'm glad to be a part of his list of distractions. Thanks for making me believe that I could do it too.

Thanks to all of the following cheese flavored snacks: Cheez-it™, Pringles™, Bugles™, Chee-tos™, Chex Mix™, and Pepperidge Farm Goldfish™

Thanks to ALT 0153 for making my trademark references legitimate.

Thanks to my friends for reading my blog, you know who you are. I enjoy that it gives me a chance to talk to you. The years pass quickly and we don't get too many opportunities to visit in person, and as a result it becomes important to find new ways let you all know that your place in our hearts always remains. You're all always in our thoughts here in the LC.

Thanks and no thanks to Facebook and Myspace for both reconnecting and disconnecting my friendships at the same time. Reconnecting me with old friends, some of which I haven't heard from in over a decade, and disconnecting me with friends I would otherwise take the time to visit. Just funny how that all works, and I'm sure it will all make a good book someday.

Thanks of course to other obvious things, like my family, my health, enough to eat, and a roof over our heads. Those are a given for just about anybody who has them.

Everything else ......

Thanks to FOX's continued support of primetime animation, Seth Green and all the things he does. Gracias to Black Friday, Newegg.com, Cornell West, the ongoing war between evolution, intelligent design, and creationism (here's the spoiler, none of them truly know how life began on this planet). Also to John Stewart, Steven Colbert, Bill Maher, Keith Olbermann, and other pundits who don't really tell the news but somehow make more sense than those that do. Thanks to Solace, steak, root beer, cheap gas, funny commercials, Shiner Bock, sequels as good as I want them to be, Google, $5 footlongs, a good scratch, free shipping, toilet reading, bonus vending machine drops, cold when I'm hot, hot when I'm cold, a good gin and tonic, memories of friends lost, Rock Band, The Soup, back rubs, and finding money I had forgotten about.

And I thank whatever higher power makes you feel safe and gives you that special feeling you can't find anywhere else. I don't know that we'll ever truly know what that is, and I'm never 100% sure I believe it's there, but I want to.

Enjoy the weekend and be safe.

Much Love,
Jimmy

A Week in the Life - Thanksgiving and Opera

Well, loyal viewers, again apologies for less frequent postings. I'll try to keep up more using whatever free time I can squeeze in.

This week I'll be playing La Traviata with the Juarez Symphony Orchestra. The third most popular opera in North America, it tells the story of a famous courtesan who falls for the son of a nobleman, after first resisting. At his father's behest she shuns her love so as not to disgrace his family name. In the end of course, love prevails, but it is quickly met with sadness as the courtesan's tuberculosis spells her end. Nothing like love and disease to spice up the holiday weekend, all that and Mexico too!

In addition, I will be playing garbage disposal for a one night only engagement at several houses on Thursday. I've already let the seams out on my pants, and crocheted the elastic from my undergarments into the load bearing portions of my shirts. My wallet is stuffed with carefully folded gallon size freezer bags, and I've blown the dust off of my extra-wide-super-durable cranberry sauce straw. Nothing says Thanksgiving like the puppy-love-makeout sounds you can only get sucking cranberry sauce through a straw.

Caitlyn is doing fine, albeit a bit restless when she doesn't get what she wants (clearly one of her mother's best traits). She is growing every day, but we're fortunate enough to not notice because we're around her all the time. I'd give my Dad skills about an 8.25 out of 10. I'm picking up my fair share of housework, and making sure the wife is fed and watered. But I have dropped the ball a few times in the consideration department. The other day I succeeded in cooking dinner and serving the plates, but while Crystal ate with one hand (baby in the other) I munched away with both hands, only to excuse myself after I had finished, effectively failing to offer to hold the baby so Crystal could enjoy her food.

My bad, lesson learned.

Otherwise it's business as usual this week. Working, performing, eating, and some tireless computer time in between.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving. I will have the pleasure of seeing some of you over the weekend, and I must say I am definitely looking forward to it. By all means drop me a line and I'll speed over your way, baby and all. If I don't get to see you, be safe and cherish the time you have with the one's you love.

Feed me,

Jimmy

VOD - Do I really need to say anything?

Yeah, I'm not really sure how to preface this. It's Sarah Palin, this much I know. She's pretty much looping her dialogue as usual... like so.

"Well, now that I'm back to Alaska, I'm ready to continue servin' the people and running the government. So I'm just going run it as best I can, and serve to the best of my ability. Basically, I'm back in Alaska."

*wink ad nauseum*



Now that's not verbatim or anything, but it's basically the pattern she follows. That being said it's not what she says it's how, where, and JESUS CHRIST WHY she says it.

Keep in mind this is after she pardoned the eligible turkeys this year.




You really just have to love to hate to love to hate her.

And the "Are you fucking serious? Doing an interview in front of a live turkey slaughter 'for fun'" look on the guy behind her isn't too shabby either.

More to come, I promise
Jimmy

P.S. WotLK+Baby+Holidays(Church*Capital=MusicianDemand)= Underrepresentation of Blog