WTF - Over-evolved Technology

There was a time, not too long ago, when technology could be summed up in one word or a small explanation. You would plug the thing in, turn it on, and it would do what it was meant to do ... nothing more, nothing less.

For example, the Microwave. Put food in, press a button, food gets hot (pending the presence of moisture), burn roof of mouth, eat food.

Or maybe the CD player. Insert disc, push play, remove disc, blow on it, wipe off spit, insert disc, close lid, close lid, slam lid, close lid, push play, shout explicative, listen to radio.

Ok, let's try the phone, plug in phone cord, dial, talk. There, at least that one was easy, in fact, you don't even have to plug it in, in the good ol' days the phone drew its power from the line.

My point is this, one device, one purpose, end of story. No extraneous features, and if you had it and it was dependable, your need for anything further was eliminated. But something happened along the way. Some lazy nerds, and by lazy I mean they didn't want to invent something of their own, decided the best way to market increasing numbers of these devices would be to meld them into one device. Like chocolate and peanut butter, some tastes taste great together.

Sounds great in theory, right? Who doesn't mind that the microwave has a little clock that also lets you know what time it is ... simple enough, eh? And what's the harm in the phone identifying who is calling so you can elect to ignore the call? Or better yet - to show my age - let the machine get it. And the CD player, how about letting it play tapes, and instead of one CD, maybe 5 or 6, to eliminate the need for switching out the damned things every 52 minutes? All good questions IMHO.

But where did we go wrong?

The magic of technology, while meant to save us time, seems instead to whisk it away faster than ever. We are living in an age where our most adapted inventions have outgrown their purpose. Our cell phones are more apt to be utilized for everything but phone calls, the laptop has its own remote control, and the phrase "I have dial-up" seems to elicit more sympathy than "I have chlamydia".

The phone plays MP3s, connects to the net, can e-mail, fax, take pictures, record audio, recognize my voice, assign one of several million ringtones (which are caller-specific), play video games, give me driving and/or walking directions, act as a walkie-talkie, alarm clock, calculator, stopwatch, tip calculator, currency converter, monitor world time, my time, your time, address books, contacts, call logs, text messages, picture messages, video messages, shiatsu messages, accepts SD memory, headphones, bluetooth headsets, car chargers, wall chargers, solar chargers, San Diego Chargers, and about 43 billion other things I haven't the time nor wherewithall to mention

and yet...
it can't make a freakin' phone call!!!

Why, after all this hyper-gadgetry, can we not make the thing connect consistently to the network and provide the clarity and volume necessary to be considered - by even the most forgiving of us - reliable?

My Xbox 360 can stream Netflix video, I can purchase an almost unlimited library of vintage games, movies, tv shows, and content that boggles the mind. It connects to the net to access my Windows Messenger, and I can manage my Xbox Live account through my computer. I can stream music and video from a computer across the house and listen/watch on the TV. The wireless controllers work through walls, so I can play from the mailbox in the event I'm stranded outside of my house.

Yet somehow after three months of use I have to send it to be replaced, like an estimated 30% of 360 owners, simply because the insides melted like some crazy expensive snowman.



Really, lets just take it all down one peg. Make my phone work, my games play, my software load, and my TV watchable. That's a start.

As for you, microwave, I still love you.