Top 10 Things You REALLY Never Want to Hear from Your Mother

Here we go with the Top 10 Things You REALLY Never Want to Hear from Your Mother:

10. You should see the size of this crap!

9. You're adopted.

8. Your going to be gay, just like your father.

7. No, really, this thing is sticking out of the water on both ends!

6. Remember all that stuff about Noah, God, and how Jesus loves you? Yeah, that was just a running bet your father and I had. Now go tell your father he owes me 20 bucks.

5. Put the oxygen mask on dear, everything is going to be fine. It's just a little turbulence.

4. Your father passed away last night ... SIKE!

3. If it's not too much trouble, can your father and I borrow your gerbil tonight?

2. No, seriously, this thing must weigh at least six pounds. I'm not joking when I say it has its own circulatory system.

And last but not least.

1. It's your baby.

My humblest apologies to mothers everywhere. Goodnight.