WTF - How to Become an Abortionist

Now I know abortion is a touchy subject, and while I remain pro-choice for a myriad of reasons I am very open minded and sympathetic to the other side of the coin. I tend to treat pro-life-ers with the same agree-to-disagree attitude that I might bestow on Al Qaeda. Nothing derogatory to say the least, just that I'm totally fine with what you believe in, but when you get all "radical" with it, and somebody gets hurt, it kind of hurts both our causes.

Roe v. Wade aside, I was discussing this whole topic with a friend of mine. There really isn't a clean cut line to becoming an abortionist, at least not one that I've been able to locate. Clearly you must have some medical knowledge, these days at least. Now back in the day your choices were very much the stereotypical "back alley" and it was these very hacks which necessitated and provided the foundation for modern medical abortions and the doctors who perform them. But today I don't think the lines are so clearly drawn. Abortion is a very secretive thing, both to protect the confidentiality of the patient and the safety of the staff and clinic. But what about the schooling necessary?

Does a young doctor get tapped to be an abortionist in some Skull and Bones sort of way? Some strange secret fraternity in our medical schools? Or perhaps the title of abortionist is something bestowed upon those few OB/GYN's who simply can't get anything right. Perhaps it works like Major League Baseball, as in "Alright, McCallister. You've botched your last delivery. You gave it all you've got, but we're sending you to Reproductive Services." Of course none of these makes any real sense, as becoming an abortionist requires the utmost commitment to the safe preservation of life and choice.

I think my first theory would have to be an apprenticeship. This seems the most logical path as it allows for the maintenance of said privacy. It just seems a tiny bit odd that we should treat abortionists as Sith Lords, a master and an apprentice. Cobblers, yes.... blacksmiths, yes.... abortionists, I think not.



My second theory is that there must be some fly-by-night trade school which specializes in this. I'm talking to you ITT Tech! Somewhere in the links of the links of the links, the University of Phoenix must have some online abortion school they're not talking about. Perhaps it's that last informercial every night, the one at 4:30am, when absolutely no one is paying attention.




Finally, the only other thing I can think of is some magical book. Some strange baby necronomicon passed down through the ages. Basically the Jumanji of abortion manuals. There it lies at Johns-Hopkins, on the second floor of the library behind the RC Cola machine. Waiting for some unsuspecting intern to find it ... and then BAM! Like a Kung Fu infused Keanu Reeves the knowledge is seemingly piped into the brain of whomever finds the book and they are forever destined to play doctor in the cloak and dagger world that is the abortion clinic.


But then again ... what do I know?

Any ideas?

Have a wonderful day!
Jimmy.