Well, nothing says we're all going to die like a nice swine flu epidemic. It's been way too long since we were impacted by some random animal-transmitted disease. Used to be every other week we were swarmed by Africanized honey bees, tormented by avian flu, or making our death beds with the Hantavirus.But time passed and man soon forgot that his relationship with the animal kingdom is 80% delicious, and 20% super fucking deadly.
And by 20% I mean 10% from eating a steady diet of bacon and 10% from the swine flu that will ravage your immune system, and eventually you'll end up as a dotless marker on a long forgotten Google maps epidemic tracking page.
Curious, click HERE!
Now I'm all for death by bacon ingestion. Sounds great. And who's to say that you can't just get rid of the old artery, grab one from the leg, and send that bitch upstairs. Lo and behold, you're back at Wendy's the next week chomping on the Baconator™. You just have to love science.
What I don't like are these animal related diseases. What the hell did we claw our way to the top of the food chain for only to be taken out by French kissing a pig. Hell, if I had known French kissing a pig was going to kill me someday, I'd have left the beer goggles at home years ago. And Swine Flu? Can't we come up with something a little more elaborate than Swine Flu? Swine Flu is like half a step above calling it Pig Sick. "Yup, poor Clamentine done bought the big one on account'uh the Pig Sick. Yeh caint be swoonin' over dem hogs like you used to could."
Let's make it a little more interesting... call it:
- Porcine Influenza
- Bacon Fever
- Porkatosis
- Wilbur's Revenge
- Mad Sow Disease
- Pigletitus: The Reckoning
- PAIDS
See, it's easy. A properly named disease will incite fear in all but the most cynical of bloggers.
So good luck surviving the latest animal related disease!
Stay tuned for the poultry induced rheumatoid arthritis... Chicken Fingers.
Or Veal Parmaseanorrhea, Duck L'Orange You Glad You Didn't Die of Swine Flu, and my personal favorite... Burgerpes.
Here's to hoping the vegetables don't turn on us again,
Jimmy
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HAHA! I laughed so hard at your paragraph about pig sick that I nearly spit my lovely pita chips all over my computer screen. I love it!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah. It looks like the veggies did turn on us again. No eating raw sprouts. Glad I dodged that bullet :)
I personally like Mad Sow Disease! LOL Bacon fever is what I usually have on Sunday mornings! Hmmm, Denny's!
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