WTF - Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles: The Hunt for Red October: Revenge of the Kraken: On the Beach

So yeah, what the hell is up with Terminator: The Sarah Conner Chronicles "running silent" to avoid "The Kraken".

Sean Connery just called and wants his plot device back. Last time I checked Sean Connery is the only one with a valid license to say the following phrases:

-"There can be only one," (Christopher Lambert's license expired when he took on the role of Raiden).

-"I've got a clear shot from here Moneypenny."

-"Crush depth."

-"Knight of the Old Code."

-"Welcome to the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen."

-"Losers whine about their best, winners go home and fuck the prom queen."

-"We named the dog Indiana."

And what's with transporting Australians by sub to a post apocalyptic North American west coast? Last time I checked (which was like a minute ago) that was the main plot point of the 1957 novel On The Beach, later made into a movie.

Are we all out of fresh ideas??

And the Kraken? Are there no more names available for deep sea dangers anymore. Is the Kraken just default for anything waterborne with the potential to kill us? Be careful, man! Don't get stung by the Kraken. Don't drink to much Kraken. Holy shit! Did you just see that huge Kraken demolish Indonesia? Croike, moi hahrt's jus been pairferated boi the Kraken?

No more Shark Week, it's Kraken week from now on!!!

Fucking Kraken, fuck the Kraken. You don't see J.J. Abrams whoring the unicorn in every other psychological action thriller do you? It's mythology for a reason, leave it alone.

Kraken out.

Reviews - College

Well, today's review will cover the Deb Hagan film College. I've been putting this one off for awhile. The film tells the all too familiar story of high school kids away for a weekend visiting, you guessed it, college.

While the formula may remain the same, the details make or break a movie like this.

First a synopsis:
Kevin (Drake Bell), Carter (Andrew Caldwell, and Morris (Kevin Covais) take a weekend trip after a friend from school raves about the craziness experienced over the weekend while visiting college. Following suit the trio swings by Fieldmont University looking for some excitement. They end up as pledges at the most notorious fraternity on campus, and are subsequently administered some serious hazing. However, humiliation aside, they are given access to the fraternity's wild parties, and end up each meeting a sorority cutie. Fraternity president Teague, played by Nick Zano, is somewhat jealous of the boys success with the women. So he concocts even more severe and increasingly humiliating punishments for the boys to sustain, in exchange for keeping their educational status a secret from their love interests. Frustrated to no end, the trio devise a plan to exercise their revenge and get the girls.

In a nutshell, don't waste your time. The movie is an insult to self-respecting college movies everywhere. I can't even begin to list the number or things wrong with this movie.
Or can I.

-Trying too hard to be Superbad.

-A normal kid + a fat kid + a nerdy kid does not Superbad make.

-Nobody has ever been to a party like the parties depicted in this movie. And if you have, you're in the 0.01 percentile that have. For the rest of us this all just feels horribly fake.

-It's horribly fake.

-The nudity is a joke. Pointless nudity is best saved for straight to cable soft-core B porn. In movies such as this it never fails that what nudity there is has absolutely nothing to do with advancing what meager plot there is. Nudity in movies like this only makes sense when it involves the female/male main or supporting characters. Intentional insertion of random tits is insulting in situations such as this.

-This is a rated R movie, yet it's clearly aimed at those with the mental capacity of a sixteen year old, and that just doesn't make any sense. They should have axed content to hit the PG-13 crowd, it would have been much more successful.

-Nick Zano wishes he was Ryan Reynolds, and it doesn't work. Only Ryan Reynolds and Jason Lee are allowed to look like Ryan Reynolds.

-Everything is exaggerated. It just feels like the writer/director sat down and watched 10 decent movies, took all the funny parts, and asked themselves "How can we make this ExTrEmE!!." And by extreme I mean murderous to any suspension of disbelief the audience came with.

-Fieldmont University... FU. Are you fucking kidding me? That's the oldest and stupidest trick in the "college movie" playbook. Port Chester was fucking genius compared to this nonsense.

I could go on, but it's only a 45 minute lunch. Maybe if I ever watch it again I'll pay attention long enough to elaborate. But it's long returned to DVD rental oblivion.
What was good? Hmmm...

-Bearcat, relatively entertaining, but if you're going to make him hairy, keep him hairy the whole movie. Don't be normal and then a werewolf in the only scene that involves excess hair.

That's pretty much it.

Half a keg of Schlitz out of five.

Get it, it's a pony keg.

Didn't laugh?? Good now you know how I felt watching this piece of shit.

Apologies to the good people at Schlitz.

I'm out.
Jimmy

Yeah but where you gonna keep it?

So here's a trillion dollars, just for reference.

Pallats of $100 million double stacked. The tiny red thing on the left is a man.

That's a whole lot of Cheez-it's™.

More on that here.

A Week in the Life - All Work and No Play Makes Jimmy a Dull Boy

Well, this week is a free week for the most part. No musical happenings to say the least. Still, it's a busy week as I try to catch up on neglected schoolwork (as per my M.O., one class is a breeze, the other is a mountain of work. Why? I'm not sure).

In addition, taxes were filed last week and now refunds must be appropriated in the manner most suited to eliminating debt and/or catching up on ever looming mortgage payments.

Likewise, the house needs maintenance, another ever looming issue. Had the ol' septic tank empited the other day. You see, while our house does lie within the city limits, at the time it was built (1961 methinks) a septic tank was pretty much your only option. We may still need a visit from Roto-Rooter, as the pipes are still running a bit slow. I'll give it the ol' college try later on today (insert mad plunging here).

Hopefully today we'll be able to catch Coraline in 3D while it's still at the theaters. Here in the LC a new set of 10 screens just opened up at the local shopping mall. Previously the Mesilla Valley Mall contained 8 screens, 4 outside and 4 inside. When the company opened up 12 screens on the north side of town they shut down the outside four screens. Now they've closed the other four and built an addon to the mall complete with comfy stadium seating, an in-house restaurant, and some rocking digital projectors. It opened on March 6th, just in time for use to catch Watchment on Sunday afternoon. But more on that later.

All in all that brings us 26 screens, 4 cheapo second run and 22 digital. Nice work keeping the tickets down to a reasonable 8 bucks as well.

This weekend there's a plethora of activity. Some distant relative has a baby shower on Saturday, and on Sunday we'll be at my company picnic. Weather permitting of course. In the evening you'll find me with family, watching the latest DVD releases a second time (Milk and Role Models), tinkering with my now Level 80 Death Knight in World of Warcraft, and hopefully blowing the dust off my guitars, both real and plastic. I've been itching for some more progression through Rock Band 2.

Lastly, I need to seriously get on it when it comes to communication. I haven't updated anything lately. Facebook, nothin'... MySpace... pshh... Twitter... zzzzz..... I'm failing miserably at this interpersonal communication. Haven't called my parents/brother in at least two weeks. Hell, my friend Geoff lives 5 minutes away and I haven't seen him in two months! Needless to say I need to spend an hour or so over the week and call everyone just to say hi. Alot of good it does utilizing all this fabulous technology to reconnect with long lost friends only to "add" them and shuffle them off into the long lost pile again. And a blog post or two couldn't hurt either...

So, there ya go, one more week in the harnessed madness that is my life. Here's to the hope that your's goes easier, and to the appreciation that it's not nearly as bad as it is for some.

As always,
Jimmy

Work Ethics - Friday I'm in Love

Ahh, work. Nothing says "I'd rather be home" than a long, drawn out day at the job.

My little cubicle, my handy computer, surrounded by co-workers all diligently dedicated to their jobs.

Technically I'm at lunch. However, it seems that I spend so much time on my ass that eating excessively throughout the day leads to a little known condition called uncontrollable fat-ass. These days I'll bring a piece of fruit or some other healthy alternative. Since I'm so sedentary these days it's a good idea to reduce my calorie intake to the same level of what I burn by sitting in front of a computer upwards of 10-12 hours a day. Now of course I can't blame all that time on work, as I'm just a guilty for sitting on my ass at home, more than likely in front of a computer.

But the great thing about internet access at work is that time otherwise spent ingesting high-calorie deep fried burritos can be spent posting unnecesary conversations such as this one. And what better country than America to utilize time at work to complain about being bored at work with nothing to do. It's the epitome of freedom, the freedom to complain about the freedom to complain. USA! USA!

Anyway, it's a lovely Friday and I have no rehearsals tonight. I'm going to get out of here, run home, kiss my wife, hug my baby and gorge myself with bacon. Then I'll probably end up where I began, in front of a computer working on getting a little fatter, complaining about not having anything to complain about.

It's really quite wonderful.
Jimmy

Video of the Day - Grapevine Fires

No fluff today, just a good video. Grapevine Fires from Death Cab for Cutie. I've grown continuously more and more fond of this group. I keep finding some really great songs as I peruse their discography. I highly suggest a good listen, as grapevine fires exemplifies the group's ability to treat the subject of death with a positive spin. In a sort of "tis better to have loved and lost" kinda way.

My personal favorite at the moment is I'll Follow You Into the Dark, from Plans. Download that one for sure. For more DCFC goodness, no better place than their site.

Enjoy!
Death Cab for Cutie - Grapevine Fires

A Week in the Life - Back to Business

Well, another week is here, and hopefully I'll find the time to do more than ponder if I have the time to make any significant changes to my blog. Usually, I open it up, stare at the screen for about a minute, than carry on with the things I must prioritize over posting. You know what my distractions are so I won't bore you with trite summaries.

Impossible tasks teach us the art of prioritization, and the virtue of acceptance when we fail. Some things are impossible, but it is our reaction to failures that ultimately determines if failure exists or not.


So yeah, I'm not to bothered by my lack of posting, since I was pretty damn sick last week. What motivation I could muster was gladly spent helping around the house and spending time with Caitlyn. Crystal as well was feeling under the weather all last week, her illness came a few days prior to mine. The baby had a small cold as well, but she's a trooper, and you wouldn't know by her smiling all the time.


Went to the movies for the first time on Saturday to see Taken. It was Caitlyn's first foray into the movie theater. She made it a good hour into the movie before getting a bit restless and started talking it up a little. Crystal just took her to the back of the theater where she promptly fell asleep. All in all it was alot of fun, and we avoided being "that" couple. You know, the shitty parents who don't give a damn if their child is crying full volume at the late showing of Return of the King on opening night weekend. Assholes.


Anyway, what I'm saying is that wasn't us.


Finished up the ol' taxes this week. It was a colossal pain in the ass, even with friendly software to assist. I had a bunch of 1099's from gigs this last year, Caitlyn is a dependent now, I had a couple of W2's as well from the job change, and Crystal's entire income is a form 1099 as well. So both of us have Schedule C forms to fill out for our personal businesses. Add onto that the house being a home office for Crystal's day care, complete with all it's deductions and percentages and depreciation's, and it's just a big pain.


This week I'm playing with Juarez. Just a whole mess of songs, all popular stuff. Several selections from Carmen, the William Tell overture, and Borodin's Polotsvian Dances. All real big crowd pleasers.


Sunday I'm going to see Watchmen. I finished the book recently and am looking forward to seeing the "unfilmable" film. From what I've read they've stayed pretty true to the book, as best they could. Can't wait for the "Tales from the Black Freighter" DVD as well, I liked the parallel story in the book for its dark theme and macabre scenarios. Mostly though, I guess I'm just hungry for some hard "R" super-hero type violence. Should be a good finishing touch to an otherwise busy week.


So yea, another week come and gone. We'll see what she holds! Hope you are all well.

And welcome back Elwood.

Talk to you later,
Jimmy

Freakin' kittens!

Sweet Jesus am I tired of seeing these kittens on the beginning of my blog. What a freaking embarassment. Cute kittens... what the hell is wrong with me?

Video of the Day - Kittens Inspired by Kittens

A friend of mine from work pointed this little number out to me yesterday. It's a bit cute, and with a few laughs. And who doesn't like a kitten now and then?

I prefer mine with a bit of Gulden's Spicy Brown Mustard, adds just the right flavor, but with a kick.

And now, I present Kittens, inspired by Kittens.

A Week in the Life - Steady as We Go

Ahh, another week starting, another story to tell.

This last weekend as you may remember, I was in Roswell for a concert with the Roswell Symphony. It doubled as a visit with my sister, and some away time for Crystal, Caitlyn, and myself.

Valentine's Day, as Elwood so eloquently puts it, is in fact "weaksauce." Nevertheless, Crystal and I celebrated it with a stop by Sonic™ for a shake and some cheese tots.

Probably more significant a reason for us to celebrate Valentine's Day is the fact that exactly one year ago on Valentine's Day, Crystal and I found out that we were expecting. I remember it well, mostly because it plays out like most other days, with me on the computer.

I was just sitting online in the "computer room" (now the "nursery"), Crystal came in just ever so teary, equal parts shock and happiness. We had at the time, recently hit our self appointed deadline. We had been trying for about three months or so and we're ready to wait another year or so to start trying again. It's not to say that we were officially trying (i.e. tracking Crystal's ovulation, that sort of thing), but Crystal was getting impatient, and each negative readout ever so slightly chipped away at our perception of how easy the idea was of conceiving. Negative indeed...

Lo and behold, later that October Caitlyn popped out cute as could be. The rest, as they say, is history ... recent history, but history nevertheless.

This week is a cookie cutter week. Work, no concerts.

On Saturday we'll be attending a wedding for our friends Adam and Maria. A long time coming, it's good to see these two finally tying the knot, as they've seemed destined to be together for some time. Crystal knew both Adam and Maria in high school, and I've known them both through my time with Peter Piper Pizza. At one point or another they were both Team Leaders with the company. This Saturday should be fun, and we wish the best to them both.

Anyway, that's pretty much the coming week. I've succeeded in my first scheduled post, as "A Week in the Life" is the first in what I hope will be specific themed posts for specific days. If all goes well every Monday you'll see the usual weekly compendium of all things Jimmy. Stay tuned the rest of this week for the new format.

I lieu of sappy Valentine's Day drivel about true love, soul mates, and other assorted relationship buzz words ... instead I leave you with a clip of DMB.

In particular, our wedding song. You may love or hate Dave Matthew's Band, but the song succeeds in being sincere, fitting, and not overplayed in the mainstream.

Have a good week,
Jimmy