WTF - Joe Plumber?

Who's the real winner?

Joe apparently.

Really? Are there not enough Joe's out there? Joe Cool, Joe's Crab Shack, Joe Mama, Average Joe's, Joe Six-Pack, Joe Blow, Jo-jo's Circus, Famous Joe's Pizza (btw, still NYC's best ... on the corner of Carmine and Bleecker), Joe Piscopo, Cup o' Joe......

And who the fuck is this plumber who makes a quarter of a million dollars a year? Am I in the wrong business?

More to come.

WTF - Cup o' Noodles

For the love of God, is it really necessary to put 47% of my daily allowance of sodium into my Cup o' Noodles? It's bad enough that I'll choke down enough monosodium glutamate to kill a month's worth of dogs for a North Vietnamese family, but to suffer the added insult of added in salt is just preposterous! When it rains it pours indeed, Morton!

Now I'm all for a salty snack here and there, but c'mon, we're not exactly talking about pretzels or Chex Mix here. Is it really necessary for me to be plagued with hypertension just because I don't have time to make my own meal from scratch? Does my busy lifestyle automatically mean that my hasty meals must be inherently toxic? Nitrates, Hydrogenated Oils, Trans Fat (I'm talking to you Slim Jim, get on the bandwagon already), and a whole laundry list of ills evolved from a ravenous society which led to streamlined production, ultimately replacing traditional food preparation methods for fast-paced poisoning in shiny shrink wrapping.

Can't we take it down just one notch? I mean this shit is already beyond the median public perception of salty. The chips, the crackers, the nuts ... all precursors to the salty burn of dehydration. Would we really notice if you just chopped the sodium in everything by 20%? Wouldn't that cost you less? Probably not as I'm sure flavor is always more expensive than salt.

I swear to God if they keep this up we'll all be dead in *slurp* ten more years.
It's despicable *sip* and I won't stand for it!
You'll be sorry... starving a little gray rabbit! This is terrible! Me eating this stuff! How do you expect me to stomach this stuff?

..... hmm.

You know, this shit's actually pretty good.


I'll switch to the Organic Cup o' Gluten Free All Natural Free Range Hormone Free Grain Fed Noodles tomorrow.

Seacrest out!

Photo courtesy of www.ramenramenramen.net

VOD - A bit of underwater amazement.

Happened across this earlier this evening. From TED.com, a small talk and presentation on some nice underwater life. Spend five minutes of your day seeing some things you might not have previously seen. I find myself longing for a view of the Planet Earth series of HD programming, which I also highly recommend if you haven't seen it (make sure you see it in HD of course).

Enjoy and have a great day.

The Vice Presidential Debates

Biden versus Palin in a cage match to the death this was not. I enjoyed watching the candidates but really we were comparing apples to oranges here.

A success for Joe Biden meant not coming off as elitist, while at the same time presenting himself as what he is: more educated, superior politically, and better in touch with issues that truly affect Americans.

A success for Sarah Palin meant speaking coherently, completing sentences, and avoiding long pauses while her neural processes stalled at choosing either the wrong answer or the right bullshit.

Now these aren't my own standards, I just choose to word them a bit less eloquently. Everybody was watching this debate hungry for slip ups by either candidate, especially the one you aren't voting for. In that sense most of us were disappointed. Biden was clear and concise, Palin was on target with Joe Six-packs and Hockey Moms. So all in all the event was a stalemate... a personal success for the candidates, but one colossal moot point for the rest of us. The polls confirmed it too, furthering the idea that the candidates simply served to polarize further their supporters toward themselves.

I'm Back Baby!

Noooo silly, not baby back! Back baby! As in after an eternally long eight day lapse, your friendly neighborhood Jimmy has returned, ever the prodigal son.

I return slightly humbled, but exponentially positive about the future and whatever it may hold. This may mean more to some of you than others, and that is all I'll say.

This weekend finds me again in Roswell for another out of town symphony concert. The good news is that I'll be able to visit some family while I'm here. Our concert consists of Tchaikowsky's 1st Piano Concerto, Elgar's Serenade for Strings, Schubert's 5th Symphony, and C.M. von Weber's Abu Hassan Overture. Lots of fun.

Well, this post exists solely to describe my upcoming weekend and my triumphant return to the blogosphere. I'll leave the goodies for new posts.

WTF - How to Become an Abortionist

Now I know abortion is a touchy subject, and while I remain pro-choice for a myriad of reasons I am very open minded and sympathetic to the other side of the coin. I tend to treat pro-life-ers with the same agree-to-disagree attitude that I might bestow on Al Qaeda. Nothing derogatory to say the least, just that I'm totally fine with what you believe in, but when you get all "radical" with it, and somebody gets hurt, it kind of hurts both our causes.

Roe v. Wade aside, I was discussing this whole topic with a friend of mine. There really isn't a clean cut line to becoming an abortionist, at least not one that I've been able to locate. Clearly you must have some medical knowledge, these days at least. Now back in the day your choices were very much the stereotypical "back alley" and it was these very hacks which necessitated and provided the foundation for modern medical abortions and the doctors who perform them. But today I don't think the lines are so clearly drawn. Abortion is a very secretive thing, both to protect the confidentiality of the patient and the safety of the staff and clinic. But what about the schooling necessary?

Does a young doctor get tapped to be an abortionist in some Skull and Bones sort of way? Some strange secret fraternity in our medical schools? Or perhaps the title of abortionist is something bestowed upon those few OB/GYN's who simply can't get anything right. Perhaps it works like Major League Baseball, as in "Alright, McCallister. You've botched your last delivery. You gave it all you've got, but we're sending you to Reproductive Services." Of course none of these makes any real sense, as becoming an abortionist requires the utmost commitment to the safe preservation of life and choice.

I think my first theory would have to be an apprenticeship. This seems the most logical path as it allows for the maintenance of said privacy. It just seems a tiny bit odd that we should treat abortionists as Sith Lords, a master and an apprentice. Cobblers, yes.... blacksmiths, yes.... abortionists, I think not.



My second theory is that there must be some fly-by-night trade school which specializes in this. I'm talking to you ITT Tech! Somewhere in the links of the links of the links, the University of Phoenix must have some online abortion school they're not talking about. Perhaps it's that last informercial every night, the one at 4:30am, when absolutely no one is paying attention.




Finally, the only other thing I can think of is some magical book. Some strange baby necronomicon passed down through the ages. Basically the Jumanji of abortion manuals. There it lies at Johns-Hopkins, on the second floor of the library behind the RC Cola machine. Waiting for some unsuspecting intern to find it ... and then BAM! Like a Kung Fu infused Keanu Reeves the knowledge is seemingly piped into the brain of whomever finds the book and they are forever destined to play doctor in the cloak and dagger world that is the abortion clinic.


But then again ... what do I know?

Any ideas?

Have a wonderful day!
Jimmy.

VOD - It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

What can I say, if you're not watching It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, you're missing arguably one of the best comedies on TV. And with the evolution of cable TV, you get the added bonus of "M" rating language. Nothing spices up a joke like a well timed "Shit!" or "Goddamn!".

History tells us that the pilot for the show was shot by the three male leads with a camcorder for a total cost of about $85 dollars. As FX has currently ordered enough episodes for a sixth season, this represents a pretty good return-on-investment.

The simple premise is this: Dennis, Mac, and Charlie are all co-owners of Paddy's Bar, an ill-fated establishment in Philadelphia. Dennis' twin sister Dee works as a bartender, while their father Frank weasels his way into all their schemes (Frank debuted in Season Two, working his way into the ownership of the bar by buying the land underneath it). It's simple but it works, and with hilarious results always. More on the series if you need it here.

I've embedded Episode 1 from the current season (4) for your viewing pleasure. I know you probably don't have the full twenty two or so minutes at your disposal, but if you don't now, find time later.

FYI, the entire episode comes courtesy of Hulu. The brainchild of Fox parent News Corp. and NBC (who was looking for a proper outlet for their content after ending their Itunes relationship), Hulu has now become one of the top online distributors of streaming content, effectively silencing its doubters. Call me convinced, the website provides a fast and efficient way to enjoy a vast library of some great shows with limited commercial interruption. Now go watch!

That being said I fucking hate Fox News, may it burn in hell alongside it's pundits whom have all sold their souls to the devil that is Rupert Murdoch. But sweet Jesus I love The Simpsons ... what can you do?

Enjoy.

My Return to the World ... of Warcraft.

Greetings all. My sincerest apologies on my lack of updates over the last few days. Those late romantic operas tend to drain the body, mind, and soul. Every hour that wasn't spent performing or working has been spent sleeping. And I mean every hour, even the precious few minutes when I arrive home only to change outfits and leave again.

And speaking of neglect, I must add that I have also neglected another aspect of life over the last few months. This of course, as the title suggests, is that very aspect of my life which tends to marginalize life itself - World of Warcraft.

Now say what you will. I understand that MMOs tend to be time sinks. I also understand that they are the cause of some pretty unusual human actions. By which I mean silly things like game addiction which has led to death in a few extremely rare cases.

However, for the rest of us, myself included, the game is fun and a nice way to kill a few hours while effectively costing you pennies and hour versus other forms of entertainment (i.e. movies, a round of golf, happy hour).

That being said, I haven't played the game since the tail end of July thanks to a much needed visit from my best man and his wife from D.C. With the onset of parenthood in a few more weeks, and the round-the-clock preparation for the nursery and the baby shower, I haven't felt the "urge" to venture back into Azeroth for awhile now.

So, later on tonight, I'll venture on prior to server reset and log an hour or so on my level 32 Shadow Priest, Crystäl, which I know means nothing to anyone who isn't a Shadow Priest. I'll stop by and fly around Shattrah City with Disemboweler, my main, and a handy level 70 tank. And maybe, just maybe I'll visit Lothlorianos, my former Tauren Druid, and move him up a bit from level 64 where he's sat for over a year and a half. Hopefully, I'll be able to spend a bit of time with these neglected few intangible friends, and with luck I'll find some time to chat a bit with some real world friends, whom I've also neglected (as the game provides and convenient way to keep in touch with said friends).

Here's to renewing old friendships ... however intangible.

Top 10 Things You REALLY Never Want to Hear from Your Mother

Here we go with the Top 10 Things You REALLY Never Want to Hear from Your Mother:

10. You should see the size of this crap!

9. You're adopted.

8. Your going to be gay, just like your father.

7. No, really, this thing is sticking out of the water on both ends!

6. Remember all that stuff about Noah, God, and how Jesus loves you? Yeah, that was just a running bet your father and I had. Now go tell your father he owes me 20 bucks.

5. Put the oxygen mask on dear, everything is going to be fine. It's just a little turbulence.

4. Your father passed away last night ... SIKE!

3. If it's not too much trouble, can your father and I borrow your gerbil tonight?

2. No, seriously, this thing must weigh at least six pounds. I'm not joking when I say it has its own circulatory system.

And last but not least.

1. It's your baby.

My humblest apologies to mothers everywhere. Goodnight.

VOD - Who wants fish!?!?!?1!!

Today's video is a classic. And by classic I mean it was released in 2000, which is about the time I saw the commercial online. I remember laughing my ass off then and it still holds a funny little spot in my heart (unless that's just a fat deposit). In honor of Lehman Brothers filing for bankruptcy, we give a minute to John West Salmon, which is owned Lehman Bros. I hear that in the past John West has used pretty rotten fishing techniques and are responsible for decimating the turtle and shark populations in their fishing grounds. And on that happy note, ENJOY!